Winter? I'll pass...

It's a Sunday afternoon and you are wondering what you can do for fun...how about shoveling snow!

Wow!  What a fantastic idea!

About as fantastic as hearing "Christmas Shoes" 70 times in two weeks!

Of course, shoveling snow is no fun at all.  Is it supposed to be?  No.  It's supposed to be hard, sweaty, terrible drudgery, just like the rest of winter.

Winter is like the earth reminding us just who works for who.

It says "I'm gonna drop a bunch of this stuff on the ground randomly, and I expect you to pick it up and move it to another place, for no other reason than because it's in your way.  Oh, and your going to play in it and your going to like it!  You better write songs about how much you like it!  I also want you to make pretend people out of it, and dress them in top hats and scarves!"

"Yes, sir, Mister Winter ,sir!  Whatever you say!"

What choice do we have?

For like 5 months in Canada we become slaves to the weather.

It defines what we do, when we do it and for how long.

Winter also affects the mind in funny ways.

It erases the area of the brain that learned how to drive an automobile responsibly.

I think that portion of the gray matter suffers from frostbite once snow begins to fill the air.  "How do I use the signal again?  Why do I have to clean off my lights and back window?  Why do I have to follow a safe distance and slow down?"

I know Canadians are supposed to be big fans of winter sports.  Ironically, winter affects the playing of winter sports.  I don't remember how many times the buses for school would be cancelled due to snow, yet we found a way to drive to the rink to take our kids to hockey practice.  Not many kids missed it.

Also, I suffer from "winter face".  It's a seasonal disorder of the expression of your face.  It's recognizable by the squinted eyes and gritted teeth.  Also the red cheeks and nose.  Your features get semi-frozen into a look that says "I hate everything right now!"  It's a very sad condition, the only cure is a warm fire and some hot apple cider.

When will it all be over?

March?

No.  March is the month where our spring hopes get dashed by a sudden blizzard and everyone's brain freezes again.

April?

No.  April is the month where we shovel the remaining March snow onto the road to try and melt it away.  April is the time for mud and salt debris to be splashed endlessly on our vehicles, causing mile-long lineups at the car wash.

Once in a while I tell my self to just relax and embrace winter.

I talk to myself in soothing tones and wonder if I should buy a snowmobile or invest in some ice skates or skis.

Then I shake my head and come back to reality.  I don't want to do any of those things!

I want to stay inside and hide till the first robin of spring can be heard pecking the frozen ground for a worm that's still encased in permafrost.