Bacon Blues

I was preparing breakfast for my wife the other day and realized we had no bacon!   

That’s a horrible discovery!   

When you think you had bacon only to open he fridge and the hallowed bacon drawer is empty!   

We called the grocery store….”Has it happened to you TO?”  “NO?  You have a whole aisle of bacon?  Oh thank goodness!   

We have a bacon emergency!  I am sending my husband!”  

They say “We’ll clear the aisle ma’am!”   

I pull up in front of the grocery store, the have a guy open the door and they usher me in and we run down the aisles shouting “get out of the way”!  Move people!   

I get there and, I can’t decide!  I go into bacon brain lock!   

There are too many varieties!   

What do I want?   

Maple flavoured, low sodium, Apple wood-smoked, hickory, peppercorn crusted, back, pea meal, turkey, chicken?     

HELP ME!   

I make a snap decision and go with a thick cut Hickory, because I am really hungry by this time.   

I get home and the pan is ready.   

Bacon shrinks so I load the pan as much as possible. It’s all hanging over the sides. 

The sizzle is tantalizing!   

I go into a bacon trance.   

Watching the pop of the fat, gazing as the meat turns translucent and begins to curl up.   

I snap out of it!  It’s time for the flip!  

Gingerly I use the tongs to grasp two or three slices at a time and turn them over.   

Now the sizzling is taken to a whole new level!  Watch out, the grease is flying everywhere!  

I don’t care!  It’s almost done!   

I have to focus now because you have to hit that exact moment before the bacon becomes too crispy, and just after it’s fully cooked.   

It’s the mystical bacon perfection zone!   

I get a plate ready with exactly two paper towels neatly folded.  This will absorb the last of the precious grease.   

Here we go three, two, and one…NOW!  It's over to the plate and there it sits.   

The aroma is intoxicating.   

Only then do I realize, I haven’t cooked anything else!  

Now the wonderful bacon must sit and wait until the eggs are scrambled and the toast is toasted and the coffee is perked!   

How could I have been so utterly foolish?   

Ok, let’s just get it done.  I scramble eggs, all the while the bacon is looking at me.   

I’ll just have one.  It’s an appetizer I say!   

I sneak one and my mouth goes into a flavor happy dance!  

My tongue is twerking with delight!  So good!  

 “Watch the eggs, don’t burn the toast!” I hear my wife say.   

This is taking too long, so I grab another slice…I am weak.  Now what?  

When breakfast is served, there needs to be a proper amount of bacon on the dish to be acceptable! 

I know!   

I put the eggs and toast on the plate and then I cut the remaining bacon strips in HALF!   

Genius!   

Now it looks like double bacon!  Breakfast is saved!  We sit down to eat.   

We have no more ketchup…